Life in Fast forward

Hey, you, Some Guy. It’s me, Some Girl. I guess we might as well have a life together. We’re on a schedule here. I’m in my mid to late twenties; you’re two years older than me. We’re at about the same level of attractiveness. We have comparable educations. I need to mate, and you’ll probably do as well as anyone else. Let’s begin this typical courtship process, shall we? You want sex? Fine. Roll around on me for a while. Whatever gets this moving. Are you done? Good. Now go tell your friends about it. And have a good time, you won’t be seeing much of them any more. I guess we should go to some movies and maybe a concert or two. That was nice. Now let’s get in a fight and then make up. Good. Now let’s go camping. While camping, let’s take some pictures of us camping that we can hang up in our cubicles to remind us of the time we went camping. That will be a cherished memory.Okay, I guess it’s time to move into an apartment together that’s about ten miles away from my parents’ house. Let’s live in this apartment for a year. Let’s go to a Memorial Day barbecue at my parents’ house. Good. Okay, time to get married. When you propose, don’t try to do anything cute like putting the ring in my wine glass or having a sports mascot bring it to me at a ball game. It’s all been done before, and you are not a very creative person. It would probably just come off as cheesy and forced. Just get down on a knee and get it over with. New Year’s Eve works fine for me.Our wedding will take place a year-and-a-half from your proposal. It doesn’t really take that long to set up a wedding; I just want to relish the fact that we are getting married for as long as I possibly can. During that time, I will be the center of attention. Sadly, this will be the highlight of my life......
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